My Summer with JCADA

By Tova Zimm, AWARE® Intern

A care package Tova put together with her
women's group, Aura Chadasha of Beth
Joshua Congregation, for JCADA clients.

My summer as a JCADA intern with AWARE®, the organization’s prevention initiative, was a life-changing experience that helped inform my decision to become a social worker. My first days at JCADA were full of pure intellectual enlightenment as I expanded my knowledge of the many ways that both men and women of all ages suffer from domestic abuse in the Jewish and non-Jewish communities. The more I learned about how prevalent domestic abuse is, the more I realized how essential organizations like JCADA are. Within one week of beginning my internship, I knew I had found my calling in life.

The JCADA staff that I had the privilege to work with this summer provided me with endless encouragement and guidance, allowing me to be as active and engaged with my work as possible. Being surrounded by so many brilliant and passionate people who dedicate their lives to this exceedingly important cause expanded my interest in the issue and inspired my future career path.

I began my internship at JCADA unsure of my major or vocational aspiration, but with the hope that I would find some guidance this summer. Today, I leave my internship with absolute certainty of what I want to do in  life: helping members of my community who are involved in abusive relationships.  My internship with JCADA was life changing and unforgettable. I will always look back and remember how my summer with JCADA kickstarted my love of social work.

Wearing Orange

June 6, 2016

By: Hannah Walter, AWARE Intern

June 2nd was National Gun Violence Awareness Day. To honor the lives lost due to gun violence, as well as show our support for more gun control, we wear orange. According to Everytown for Gun Safety Support Fund, an organization founded by the parents of the Sandy Hook victims, orange is the color for gun safety because it “symbolizes the value of human life. Hunters wear orange in the woods to protect themselves and others.” We also wear orange in February for Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. The commonality in color is more than just a coincidence. In 2011, nearly two-thirds of women killed with guns were killed by their intimate partners. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) found that when a gun is present in a domestic violence situation, the likelihood of a homicide goes up 500%. Guns are by far the most common weapon used in domestic violence incidents. 

Weak gun laws, with their plethora of loopholes, have failed women in abusive relationships and their families again and again. It seems that almost every day in America, we hear about shootings or women who have been murdered by their abusers. We have become desensitized to these events. And every time, the country seems to get further and further away from instituting reasonable and responsible gun safety laws. While federal laws are in place that restrict a person convicted of domestic violence to have a gun, there are so many ways around the system, such as the gun show loophole and the lack of background checks, which make it easy for an abuser to get their hands on the weapon. There is also the so-called “boyfriend loophole.” Spouses, people who were or are living together, or people who had a child together count as intimate partners who must get rid of their guns after a DV conviction, but dating partners do not count in that category. Some states have created laws that go further to protect those that have or are currently experiencing domestic abuse, but some is not enough. It seems nonsensical that these laws advocating for gun safety and that protect men and women in abusive relationships do not exist yet on a federal level. More laws need to be put in place to protect these already extremely vulnerable citizens. That is why we wear orange.

Orange is a color that protects us, whether by bringing awareness to teen domestic violence or to gun safety needs. There is a connection between the two, as shown by too many heartbreaking statistics. It sometimes seems that no matter how loud someone yells and demands regulations to make us safer, they are never heard. However, if we continue to band together, never give up, and all wear orange, change can occur. 

What I Learned on Teen Advisory Board

June 3, 2016

By: Katie Schreck, AWARE Teen Advisory Board Member

My name is Katie Schreck and I am in 10th grade at Wootton High School. This past year, I had the opportunity to be a part of JCADA's AWARE Teen Advisory Board. Over the course of this year with the Advisory Board, I was educated on violence within relationships and exactly what a healthy relationship is. Additionally, I got to work with my peers to brainstorm new ways to educate teens on dating violence.

The first thing I learned through this experience is there are many different types of abuse that can be experienced in dating relationships. I learned about the five main forms of abuse:  financial, technological, sexual, verbal and physical. The Board met once a month over the last year and we were educated in various ways, from reading articles about individual's experiences with abuse to watching videos on the topics we were studying. Working with my peers was my favorite part of the experience on the Advisory Board. We were charged with raising awareness about dating abuse in our communities- our schools, youth groups, and even our friends. Watching our groups work together to brainstorm ideas, plan and make projects, and learn together was a really fun way to become informed about a topic some of us initially knew little about.

Serving on this board was truly an amazing experience that I hope to continue in the future. Between learning new concepts, meeting new people, and generally experiencing new things (including finding out that kosher pizza is AMAZING and that no one will judge you based on the amount of sushi burritos one eats in any given week) it was an opportunity and experience I will never forget. I hope to continue to do work within this community and further educate myself as well as my peers.

This was the inaugural year of Teen Advisory Board.  Twelve members from five different high schools in Montgomery County served on the board.  They met each month to discuss different topics, from Teen Dating Violence Awareness in February to Sexual Assault Awareness in April, and create awareness projects.  

Interested in applying for the 2016-2017 Teen Advisory Board?  

Contact Ben@JCADA.org

Self-Care Ideas for the New School Year!

August 10, 2015
By: Carly Shapiro, AWARE Intern

When was the last time you did something for yourself? Although many of us are very busy, everyone needs and deserves time for themselves. Having time for ourselves gives our bodies and brains a break from the stresses of daily life and a chance to re-energize. Taking care of ourselves emotionally and physically can improve our health, relationships, attitude, and well-being.

Here are a couple of self-care activities in the D.C., Maryland, and Virginia area that you can try:

Just Puppies: This store offers a free opportunity to play with puppies. These cuddly little guys can brighten anyone’s day. Their unconditional love makes you remember to love yourself as well.

Michaels Art Classes: Feeling creative? Michaels craft stores offer inexpensive classes, including cake decorating, jewelry making, painting, etc., that serve as a good outlet for releasing your stress and worries, while creating something fun and giving yourself a sense of accomplishment.

Great Falls National Park: Exercise is a great way to distress but also a good opportunity to reflect or catch up with a friend. Explore the trails and the scenic overlooks of Great Falls, or challenge yourself with the Billy Goat Trail (hiking path). If you have a canoe or kayak, take it out on the Potomac River. There is a multitude of ways to enjoy the great outdoors when you go to Great Falls. Visit the park in Maryland or Virginia or the Georgetown Waterfront in Washington D.C.

Yoga: Taking a yoga class gives you the opportunity to self-reflect and meditate. Taking this time to focus on your self, and your inner- and outer-strength is important to helping you stay happy and healthy.

Meditation: The University of Maryland at College Park has an interfaith garden and labyrinth where you can enjoy a walk on a nice, sunny day. Many places in the area offer meditation classes as well, such as the Insight Meditation Community of Washington.

Only have a couple of minutes? Looking for some small ways to take a break and relax? Try a couple of these simple activities: 

• Call a friend
• Read a book
• Listen to music
• Take a nap
• Play with pets
• Sit in nature
• Take a coffee break

What are you going to do today to take care of yourself?

How Instagram Can Filter Teens' Lives

July 17, 2015
By: Carly Shapiro, AWARE Intern

You visit a cool new place, go on an adventure with friends or you eat something that looks great with that lo-fi filter. What next? Post to Instagram? Tweet? Update your status on Facebook? Sharing our life events on social media has become an ordinary part of our lives. Everywhere we turn, there is a way to connect with friends and get an update on the happy, positive events in your friends’ lives.

Although social media can be a great way to connect with others and see what they are up to, it can be difficult to understand how people really feel or what they are truly experiencing by just looking at someone’s social media site. This was the case with University of Pennsylvania student, Madison Holleran, whose friends did not realize how much she was suffering on the inside.

Because Madison posted happy pictures on her Instagram regularly, it was hard for friends and family to understand the extent of the mental health issues she endured from the start of college. Madison was a strong student and great athlete, who excelled at Penn. Despite her successes, she felt overwhelmed and anxious about the possibility of failing at both, according to an ESPN article. However, Madison’s Instagram posts seemed to indicate that she was enjoying her time at college. While Madison may have realized that the photos she posted on Instagram were not an accurate depiction of her happiness, she may have also felt alone when scrolling through her friends’ pictures. The night Madison committed suicide, she posted a beautiful picture of trees and street lights from Philadelphia’s Rittenhouse Square on Instagram that did not indicate anything was wrong to her friends or family.

Madison’s story emphasizes how teens and young adults often portray an image on social media that does not reflect the struggles and issues they may be experiencing. There is a growing pressure to always portray a carefree, “lovin’-life” image.  Social media can be a platform to edit one's image and hide the issues one does not want others to know about. Seeing friends having fun and celebrating their successes may make someone feel alone. How can you share your challenges with your friends who are enjoying themselves?  It can be easier to only see a friend's filtered, online life and harder to recognize when a friend needs help in real life.

Similar to hiding mental health struggles with smiling selfies and happy Instagram posts, teens and young adults experiencing dating abuse can post numerous couple pics and posts which hide the abuse they are experiencing. It is important for us to consider the role social media can play in our everyday lives and the struggles that may not be apparent on social media. Victims of dating abuse are often afraid to talk to someone about the abuse they are experiencing and most keep the abuse a secret from friends and family members. Though it is difficult to spot red flags on social media because of its filtering effect, there are red flags, such as changes in behavior or loss of interest in activities they once loved that we can look for when talking to friends in-person or online. Once we learn to recognize the signs, then we can let our friends know we are here for them.

SLUT: The Play. Is that really the name of this show?

June 1, 2015

By: Leah Siskin, Assistant Director at JCADA and AWARE facilitator

Last Tuesday evening after work, I arrived at Warner Theater in downtown DC to see SLUT: The Play. If you haven’t had the privilege of seeing this show, you may wonder if this is an appropriate topic for an AWARE blog post. As explained on stopslut.org, SLUT: The Play “follows the journey of Joey Del Marco, a 16- year-old girl who is raped by three friends during a night out. Through Joey’s story and those of girls in her community, audiences witness the damaging impact of slut culture and the importance of being heard.”

As I watched the play, I was drawn into the story by the emotional and honest performances of the actors, who were all teenage girls. My chest was so tight as I watched one actor in conversation with her mom defend Joey’s decision to hang out with the three friends. Her mom believed Joey put herself in a bad position. Later, I realized I was holding my breath when another actor asked her brother why he didn’t help Joey as he sat in the cab while his friends assaulted her. After the final scene, in which a girl who had never before disclosed her own sexual assault thanked Joey for speaking up, I wanted to run up to the stage and give the two actors a hug. I was not alone in my emotional response, as I heard sniffles and crying around me in the audience. The audience was full of students from over a dozen schools in the DC area. The play was created based on conversations with the actors about their experiences and the experiences of their friends. I kept thinking how these characters could have been any of the teens I've worked with over the past 10 years.

Theater has a remarkable power to start conversations, but also to validate the feelings of audience members without them having to say a word. To paraphrase one of the actors during the Q&A after the show, in a society where rape culture, victim blaming and slut shaming goes unrecognized by many, young people don't often have the opportunity to discuss these issues as they are experiencing them. It is so important to open the conversation and de-stigmatize this subject matter for all genders. Everyone has to be part of the conversation -- it's not just a conversation for girls, for victims or for "at-risk" populations. With 1 in 3 teens experiencing dating abuse and 1 in 5 girls being sexual assaulted by the time they are 18 -- we are all affected because, whether we realize it or not, we all know someone. For most of us, we know many someones.

Waiting until college to start talking about this is too late. We must start these conversations in age-appropriate ways in elementary, middle and high school. I'm proud that AWARE is engaging youth today in conversations about healthy relationships. We work with ten, eleven and twelve year olds about what it means to be a good friend and how to stand-up for a friend or yourself, even when it is hard. With students in high school and college, we discuss healthy relationships and warning signs of abusive relationships. We equip participants with tools to help them talk to a friend they are worried about and empower them to seek help. At every age, we talk about the role of the bystander, which is often the role we play as friends, and how to help or provide support to others. We break the tools into small actions everyone can do such as saying, “hey, that’s not cool” when you hear conversation that perpetuates rape culture and slut shaming or asking “Are you okay? Can I help?”

This play reminded me that we are just scratching the surface when it comes to education about healthy relationships, consent and dating abuse. There is a famous quote from Rabbi Tarfon that appears in the Talmud. He says “It is not upon you to complete the task, but neither are you free to idle from it.” To make cultural change happen, it takes time and hard work by many. When I read a story in the news about another teen life cut short due to dating violence or a sexual assault on a college campus, I imagine building a bubble around my future children to protect them from our culture of violence. I'm sure that’s how our parents felt about us. But I know the bubble won't help. What will help is dialogue; education; training for teachers, guidance counselors, camp counselors, campus police and the many other categories of professionals youth turn to; and supportive adults -- parents, educators, family members.

If you have a chance to see SLUT: The Play, please go. And even if you can’t see the show, you can still be part of this important culture change by starting the conversation with those around you. There are a couple easy ways to show that you believe in healthy relationships and consent education.

First, if someone tells you they have experienced sexual assault, rape, slut-shaming or any other traumatic experience, there is one message they most need to hear, “Thank you for trusting me. I believe you. I’m sorry this happened to you and it is not your fault.”

And second, think about what you are posting, sharing and liking on your social media. This is an easy way to promote positive messages about relationships, friendships and consent.

Click on these links for more information about Slut: The Play, consent education or the Stop SlutCoalition. For more information on AWARE’s healthy relationship and friendship workshops, click here.

Teen Dating Violence Among LGBTQ Youth

by Beth Sherouse, ACLS Public Fellow, HRC Senior Content Manager

This blog is posted with permission from the Human Rights Campaign and was featured on the Human Right's Campaign Blog in March 2015.

This post contains contributions from HRC Foundation Children, Youth and Families Intern Jordanna Kidd.

The Human Rights Campaign Foundation has expanded its resources on LGBTQ youth, adding information on teen dating violence (TDV). While research on TDV among LGBTQ youth is quite limited, the data we have is a cause for concern.

In any form, teen dating violence does not discriminate based on gender, race, socioeconomic status, or sexual orientation. According to a 2014 report from the CDC, about 9 percent of high school students reported experiencing physical or sexual dating violence.

Dating violence, specifically teen dating violence, can take many forms. Whether it is physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, it causes significant harm to those involved. Not only does dating violence take place in person, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notes that dating violence can also take place electronically on social media or through text messaging.

In one of the only studies on LGBT teens, the Urban Institute reported in 2013 that transgender youth are the most vulnerable to dating violence with 89 percent reporting physical violence, 61 percent reporting sexual coercion and 59 percent reporting emotional abuse. Although transgender youth were under-sampled in the study, these figures are still alarming.

LGB youth also showed significantly higher rates of dating violence compared to non-LGB youth. Of the youth surveyed, 29 percent of heterosexual youth reported physical abuse by dating partners while 42.8 percent of LGB youth reported the same; 59 percent reported emotional abuse, in comparison to 46 percent of heterosexual youth; 37 percent reported being abused or harassed online or other electronic forums, in comparison to 26 percent of heterosexual youth; and 23 percent said they had experienced sexual coercion, in comparison to 12 percent of heterosexual youth.

"LGBTQ youth often have no idea that they are in a volatile, dangerous or unhealthy relationship,” explains Dr. Alex Karydi, a psychologist and the LGBTQI Youth Coordinator for the South Carolina Department of Juvenile Justice. “Because LGBT relationships are only recently and still rarely visible in popular culture, they have few role models to aspire to in terms of what a healthy LGBTQ relationship looks like.”

Existing curricula on teen dating violence and related topics like sex education or domestic or sexual violence prevention education are rarely inclusive of LGBTQ youth. Only four U.S. states and the District of Columbia require school sex education curricula to include LGBT-specific content. Moreover, many curricula do not teach youth about healthy relationship skills or how to set and respect relationship boundaries.

“I see a lot of cases where these youth think that abusive or violent relationships are ‘normal’ because it has been so hard for them to find love and acceptance in their own family or community – they don't want to lose even one person who claims to love them," Karydi says. “In some contexts, their relationships are seen as sinful, so these youth get the message that any negative aspects of their relationship are justifiable or to be expected. It is our responsibility as individuals and a community to build awareness and education to protect our kids and future no matter what their relationships look like."

If you are a teen who wants to know if your relationship is healthy or if there may be some warning signs that could lead to TDV,LoveIsRespect.org has LGBTQ-inclusive information and an interactive quiz.

If you or someone you know is the victim of intimate partner violence, here is more information on LGBTQ teen dating violence, including resources that serve LGBTQ survivors.